A very Avengers Christmas
by killbothtwins
Summary: A group of superheroes celebrate the holidays. Where Tony Stark gets a heart, SHIELD gets the Christmas spirit, and things may explode. Intended to be a series of one-shots all the way until Christmas.
1. Buying the Tree

"You guys know I could have a tree delivered to the tower in like, three minutes?"  
>Tony's suggestion was met with five identical glares, even from Bruce, which felt sort of like a betrayal.<p>

Steve huffed, his breath appearing in the air for less than a second before evaporating.

"No. Put your phone away, Stark."

Tony did so, and not least because Natasha was reaching for one of her throwing knives.

He tucked the device into his jeans, and Bruce nudged him, and tilted his head towards Thor, who was examining a tree with something alike to confusion.

"It's _his _first Christmas on Earth. And most of us haven't had many Christmases."

Clint whooped from his perch in a somewhat tall tree, pelted a pinecone at Tony, and appeared in a completely different tree a few seconds later.

Steve offered a hand to Natasha.

Tony watched curiously as the assassin smiled. It was creepy, actually. Without a word, she leaped forward, and with an additional thrust from Steve's hands, made it into the top of a tree. The Christmas tree farm owner looked like he was about to have an aneurysm, but Natasha looked surprisingly smug from her needly throne.

Tony sighed and slipped the owner another twenty, something that had become common practice since he had started letting himself associate with the absolute nerds that were the Avengers.

The manager looked less stressed, and retreated to his office, probably to cackle about the money he had just wheedled out of Tony Stark or Instagram Thor's ugly Christmas sweater or something.

* * *

><p>Natasha looked thoughtful.<p>

"This one won't do."

She told the group of the ground solemnly, and vaulted from the tree just in time for Clint to catch her.

All the others nodded seriously, then began examining the various other trees.

Thor grinned broadly.

"I do recall ceremonies like this during my youth. We had many festivities during the time of Yule!"

Thor looked puppishly happy, the hypnotic patterns of reindeer jumping on the annoying red and green sweater he was wearing with his cape serving to make Tony guiltier.

Tony sighed, looked for a long time at Clint's obnoxious snowman hat (the things were bouncing around, staring at him with dead eyes), and Natasha's (very serious) jingle bell socks.

He sighed, one more time for good measure.

"How, exactly, do you determine a good Christmas tree?"

* * *

><p>"I want that one."<br>Steve breathed, craning his neck to look up and up at the thing.

"Steve no."  
>Tony said.<p>

Everyone glared at Tony, completely ignoring the fact that _the thing was bigger than their entire living room. _Tony folded his arms.

"No."

"Tooooon-"

Clint got halfway through his whine before Steve stopped him with a hand.

"It's okay, Clint. I guess I just got excited. Me and Buck could never really afford a Christmas tree in those days, and they didn't get imported to New York like they do now. It's all right."  
>Before Tony could begin to wonder if they were trying to guilt trip him, Steve's blue eyes widened almost impossibly largely, and Natasha even somehow made herself look disapproving at Tony without looking at him.<p>

* * *

><p>"Okay, okay, move it to the right. No, pivot- PIVOT!"<p>

"Sir?"  
>If JARVIS could sound tentative, he would be doing so now.<p>

"May I ask why you are trying to fit a tree into the living room that is far, far too large?"

"Shut up, JARVIS. And get me my suit."

Tony heard a few crashes outside.

"And make sure all air traffic is diverted from around here for a couple hours."

"No one flies by here either way, Sir."

JARVIS reported.

"I believe it has to do with the incident with the fire."

"PIVOT!"

Someone yelled outside.


	2. (Not really an) Invasion on SHIELD

SHIELD was a pretty no-nonsense place. If you wanted great work hours and holiday parties you could go work for Albertson's.

This said, SHIELD didn't put much into the way of decorations.

There was a little tree in the break room, and someone had put candy canes into the staff cupboard. That was it, really.

The agents didn't give much thought to the holiday, other than to dread the kind of tricks the supervillains would decide to get up to.

That was, until the Avengers showed up.

* * *

><p>No one knew how, but within a day of the Avengers' first visit to SHIELD in the month, everything changed.<p>

_Everything. _

The next day, the agents showed up to work to find everything…

Well, Christmasified was the best word for it.

* * *

><p>Although SHIELD had the best security in the world, the six superheroes managed to sneak in, avoid the night staff, and sneak out within half an hour.<p>

Oh yeah, and they also decorated.

No matter where you looked, there was something Christmas themed.

One agent went to the restroom only to find the toilet waters green and red alternating in each stall.

Another rookie found every gun in the arsenal equipped with a little, smiling Santa sticker.

If you turned the mugs in the break room upside-down, you could find a little jingle bell.

Someone said that they even saw Fury angrily trying to yank an ugly Avengers-themed Christmas sweater off his head.

No one checked, though.

Come to find out, the group of superheroes had been...displeased when they found out that SHIELD didn't do Christmas.

For the next week, the intercom speakers were blasted by "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" every time they tried to remove a decoration.

Eventually, they just stopped trying.

No one tried to argue that the shiny gold, red, and green tinsel decorating the place made it less sneaky.

It wasn't hard to find SHIELD, really.

Some thought that attacks on base had actually gone down since Christmas had puked all over headquarters.

Maybe it was because the villains were too busy laughing about it to actually attack.

* * *

><p>However, when Hawkeye and Captain America visited the SHIELD coffee shop only to find a new selection of holiday themed drinks, the two superheroes looked so smug that Agent Peters, who had been sitting nearby with a bell-adorned elf hat, had laughed so hard the whole base could hear the bells ringing.<p>

And all the agents found they didn't mind "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" so much anymore.


	3. Ugly Sweaters

"It's beautiful."

Clint breathed, staring at the purple monstrosity on the shelf. Tony, defeated, groaned and walked away, dragging Bruce to the electronics department of Walmart, claiming that they were going to take stuff apart and make something "awesome".

Meanwhile, Kate stayed behind like the bro she was, staring up at the work of art just as rapturously.

Did Clint ever mention that Kate was the best?

"We need it, Kate."

Clint said, feeling the glorious purple monstrosity between his fingers. This is when Steve bailed, muttering something about Christmas sales and peppermint, dragging Bucky and Natasha behind him, saving them from the double Hawkeye madness.

Thor had wandered off a while ago, and there was a suspicious clamor from the toy aisle suggesting that the Norse god had found either a pack of children, the Mjolnir toy they had begun selling, or both.

Kate clutched the fabric close to her already purple-clad chest.

"Of course we do."

She sniffed haughtily.

"Kate, have I ever mentioned that you're the best?"

* * *

><p>"I am so happy."<p>

Clint said.

Lucky barked in agreement, shaking his ears.

Steve walked in.

"Oh my god." He walked out.

Kate beamed.

"You look beautiful, Lucky."

He barked affirmatively, and Clint rubbed his ears happily.

He was wearing a hideous, purple doggy Christmas sweater covered in snowflakes and little arrows. Clint cackled happily, adjusting the little Santa hat over his head.

"Lucky, you are a handsome dog."

Lucky struck a pose, the little bells on his costume ringing merrily. Clint cackled again, then choked on a slice of pizza. Kate smiled, pulling something out from behind her back.

"Kate. You are the best."

* * *

><p>"<em>Clint."<em>

Natasha complained as soon as the Hawkeyes walked in, Lucky prancing along beside them.

"_Nat."_

Clint said back.

The assassin threw up her hands and went to go down eggnog with Steve, who was spending the party time hiding in the corner with Bucky and Sam.

* * *

><p>"Wanna go convince Sam that you're me from another reality?"<p>

Clint asked Kate, pulling on the sleeve of her hideous, ugly Christmas sweater.

The three were wearing three exact duplicates of the same sweater, Clint's already with a hole in it from a small fire, and Pizza dog's already with a stain on it from, well, pizza.

"Of course."  
>Kate scoffs.<p>

"You think that we can convince him that 'Clinta' is married to Tony Stark in my reality?"

"Yes."


	4. (Another Not Really) Invasion on SHIELD

**Merry Christmas everyone! Have some chapters!**

* * *

><p>Everyone had assumed that once the Avengers were done with their first terrorization of SHIELD, that would be it.<p>

They were wrong. A few days after what some of the more seasoned agents were coming to think of as the first wave, the next attack started.

It was all preceded by an almost terrifyingly cheery bevvy of holiday music- the carols got louder and more insistent, and cheery with every passing second.

* * *

><p>Then, suddenly, the music shut down, leaving nothing but silence and a sense of foreboding, slightly holiday-themed, dread.<p>

Then the first one hit.

And another, and another, and another.

* * *

><p>Every SHIELD agent knew it was the Avengers when the first red and green glitter-filled balloon hit.<p>

Subsequent hits got every single agent on base in a seemingly simultaneous attack, red, green, gold, and silver glitter and sparkles covering every surface.

But no one could say that the Avengers were unfair, or without a sense of humor. A couple of agents reported seeing Clint Barton, adorned in a jingly Santa hat, drop down from the ceiling, hand them balloons, and exit. A few's balloons seemed to simply appear, while one person _swore _they saw Thor cackling maniacally and batting unbroken balloons to agents for ammo.

* * *

><p>Of course, it was somewhere around this time that the lights went out, only to find red and green floodlights in their place.<p>

A few agents spotted Avengers and certainly got their hits in, but for the most part, it devolved into a giant glitter war between the agents themselves.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, depending on who you asked), the computer department was doing by far the best, equipped with rolling chairs covered in wrapping paper and laptop bags filled to the brim with balloons.

Tactical regroups, strategizes, and pretty much ends up hurling glitter at all the other departments from various high surfaces.

* * *

><p>"MERRY FRIKKIN CHRISTMAS!"<p>

An agent screamed, ignoring the way glitter dripped off of them every time they moved and hurling a few more balloons, leaving a trail of glitter hurtling through the air like the tail of a comet.

All in all, it's not too bad a day at SHIELD.

At least there weren't any aliens.


	5. The real spirit of Christmas

**Merry Christmas! That's all for tonight, folks, although I'll try to publish some more tomorrow. Have a great holiday! :)**

* * *

><p>"Oh hell no."<p>

Tony squinted menacingly out the window across the street.

Steve sighed, looking not sure if he wanted to ask or not.

Rubbing his forehead and finally giving in to his instincts as a leader, Steve asked,"What?"

"The Fantastic Four are totally trying to outdo us on decorations."  
>Tony replied, his face smashed against the glass.<p>

"Oh hell no."

Clint left the rafters, where he had been hanging with Natasha, to complain. He shoved his face against the plexiglass, cheeks smearing the clear window.

Bruce, despite himself, wandered over as well to stare jealously through the window.

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

Natasha decided suddenly, coming to rest with an artful backfip beside her fellow Avengers.

"No."

She repeated with a scary, sharp smile.

Tony fist-bumped her.

* * *

><p>Not even Steve was pretending to argue about the un-Christmasy spirit, a small smile on his face as he enacted his part of the plan.<p>

Clint looked downright evil, slinging arrows to his bow with a Grinch-like smile on his face, the ridiculous Santa hat he had (it was so ratty Natasha threatened to throw it back to the depths of hell from whence it came, prompting a very angry sign language and Russian mixed shouting match), did only a little to negate the feeling of mischief.

"Ready?"  
>Tony crackled over the comms, a hint of glee in his voice.<p>

"Ready."

Everyone chorused, and Tony flew in front of them on the roof.

"Well then, Avengers, _assemble_!"

* * *

><p>They all leapt to their respective jobs,tossing glitter and tinsel behind them in their wake.<p>

Steve used his shield to do a Legolas-like surf down the side of the building, attaching Christmas lights where the Hulk threw them up to him.

Clint notched string after string of tinsel to his bow, shooting them in strategic places around the tower. After he got bored of that, he tossed little self-lit Christmas lights onto arrows, shooting them so they stuck to the tower like artful little fireflies.

Thor used his hammer to redirect winds, finneling into a point at the giant, slowly-inflating blow up Santas, reindeer, and elves. He laughed heartily as he did, yelling Norse encouragements and patting Santa's head happily.

Tony gripped a string of lights, firing repulsors until he wrapped all the way around the tower, winding colored lights around as tightly as he could.

They all ended up back on the roof, happy and slightly out of breath.

They took a look around the tower, which was now so cheerful and festive it almost hurt.

Tony sniffed.

"Hmm. We did good."

Natasha nodded her head slowly and folded her arms, as if surveying her domain.

"Yes."

She agreed.

* * *

><p>Pepper came in three hours later,to find the tower completely decorated and six superheroes resting on the couch.<p>

She watched Tony try to cover up a video feed of Reed Richards cursing at the sky and growling at his own decorations.

"I don't want to know."

She decided, ignoring Steve's guilty face and the distinct _crash _that she heard over the monitor.

Natasha waved after her with red and green glittery(sharp) nails, as Pepper went to go fix herself a drink.

Tony cackled.


End file.
